Mental Health: My Journey

So I have finally returned to this blog after an absence that was, for the most part, completely out of my hands. I did not really know whether or not to continue doing tarot card readings… What was the point of starting, only to get interrupted due to a sudden personal issue? So, my blog has remained dormant for this past while. I remained stuck on creating a new look to my blog as well. Mana was dead set on having a brand new name for this blog, as well as a new look and feel. For some reason, I could not create such a new design. It took me a while to figure out that this was because I could not channel Mana. She was gone.

It was only recently, with the onset of summer, that I began to sense Mana’s return. This came along with my gradual, non-linear improvement in overall mental health since the beginning of the year. The beginning of last December marked one year since the absolute worst mental health episode in my entire life. I began recalling details from that episode that would have been best forgotten. The fear, and the pressure not to have such an episode again, began to well up within me. Others were counting on me to make an improvement in my life. I did not want to let them down.

Well… I did, and I didn’t. In some areas of my life I did improve, but in others I regressed quite a bit. This was the exact reason that Mana had left me, I believe. She realized that I had to sort out some shit before I could be graced with her magical presence. No Mana meant no tarot card readings… I had to figure this stuff out all on my own. And I did, for the most part. There is still one issue that is pressing me at this time, but that is to be filed away for further contemplation.

As for my own mental health journey? It has been a bumpy ride. Being given a diagnosis at a young age, experiencing anxiety and panic attacks without knowing what on Earth they were, and having sudden depressive episodes. All of these issues have become a part of my life. As an individual who has a mental illness, I cannot simply become “cured” one day. The mental health journey is not something that has an ‘end goal’ or a destination state. There is no ‘ideal’ self that I will eventually become due to medication, therapy, etc. All that I can ever hope for is understanding from others in my life.


Tarot Card Reading #2

My very first reading with the Mystic Faerie Tarot is here ~ I will be doing the diamond spread. Taro the hamster will be hosting this day’s reading! 

1) What Has Happened in the Past 

Eight of Pentacles: this card points to discovering a more mature self, and applying yourself to your work. It could also mean you have found a new career path. In the card illustration you can see the Fae is devoting herself to her work, which is basket weaving.  

2) What’s Happening in the Present 

King of Swords: A man or a boy with true leadership qualities is around you. He is a man with a plan, and he’s helping you to express yourself. In the card illustration, the Fairy King of Swords has his sword firmly planted in the earth, symbolizing his ability to stay grounded. The flowers underneath him are his interiors, and are able to blossom under his authorative guidance. 

3) What’s Happening in the Future 

Five of Swords: You aren’t feeling well and aren’t getting enough sleep. Your friends aren’t being supportive, and your enemies are out to get you. You won’t be able to trust anyone at this time; however, it is important not to give up. Look at the situation from all angles so that you can sort this out. The illustration on the card shows two fae conversing with one another. The fairy on the left is clearly displeased or let down by the other, who could be either their friend or their enemy. Her flower can’t bloom, but her friend’s flower can (on the right). The two are trying to work things out together. 

4) The Advice 

The Star (reversed): things may seem thick and right now. It is like a cloudy night in which you cannot see the stars, even though you came prepared. You must remember that although you cannot see the stars, they are still shining bright as ever behind the clouds. Try to see the positive in the situation, as tough as it may seem. Wait until the clouds have eased, and you will see the stars. Even if you have to wait until daylight, the sun is still a star – and it will allow you to bask in its warmth. 

Ah…. I’m tired, but at least I got a reading in for today ~ last night was the Super Moon in Gemini, the last super moon of this year. Today was a good day because of it, in my humble opinion! 

New Cards and More ~

So, I caved  picked up two decks of cards today at a magical new age shop called The Angel’s Goddess ~ They are both so beautiful and intricate, I felt pulled toward them right away. The one on the left is a faerie themed tarot card deck, and the one on the right is a new type of deck that I’ve never tried before – called the Gilded Reverie Lenormand deck (it is gorgeously adorned with gold embossing and is packaged to resemble a story book). I absolutely cannot wait to use these! Look forward to a reading or two from these decks tomorrow ~ 

I also purchased some gemstones from the shop, so I will also be showing those off tomorrow too! Bloody Earth and I will be starting up the circus again very shortly, so make sure to check out the  Lost Cards of the Fallen Wings blog to see our magical collaborations ~

As always, may the spirits embrace you kindly tonight ~❤️

Oracle Card Reading #2

It has been a while since I did one of these, so here is today’s oracle card reading ! The River card symbolizes movement and the natural flow of all things in nature. Your Life Force is guiding you along this River; you can choose to fight against it, but that will only leave you exhausted and will make the flow of the River’s water feel even stronger. Let the gentle waves guide you in the natural direction that nature is pulling you toward. Your life is taking you in a direction at this point in time. Don’t hesitate to ponder what the future may bring; if it feels natural, then this River will bring you to the right place where your Life Force can thrive. 

Tarot Card Reading #1

Time for my first tarot card reading~ A big thank you to Bloody Earth for letting me use their deck in this double-card reading. Blood also helped me wth interpretation~ I also used my ‘Manga Tarot’ deck (cards on the right in each pairing).
1) What Has Happened in the Past 

Sun (reversed) – sadness, lack of enthusiasm, unrealistic expectations. It represents dim light. In the illustration, you see the couple being burned by the sun (their expectations). 

5 of Pentacle – insecurity, poverty, worry, defeat.

Interpretation = your worries or anxieties have created unrealistic expectations that caused you to burn out. 

2) What is Happening in the Present 

5 of Cups (reversed) -moving forward, healing and acceptance. Avoiding lies. 

6 of Wands – losing,  disgrace, failure, being a follower, and mistrust. 

Interpretation = you are moving forward from the loss and failure. 

3) What Will Happen in the Future 

Ace of Swords – power which brings good feelings, victory, clarity and new beginnings. 

10 of Wands -burden, commitment, responsibility, struggle. Intuitive decision-making. 

Interpretation = you will have a new beginning / power, but you must remember what is important. 

4) Advice 

Temperature (reversed) – imbalance, excess, discord, hastiness .  

Emperor (reversed) – abuse of power, bullying, rigidity, excessively controlling. 

Interpretation = Do not be impatient and watch out for abuse of power / bullying from either those around you or from yourself. 

Everyday Inspiration: Day 13

(I am getting back into my everyday inspirations – look forward to more~)

Cats are truly one of the most aesthetic creatures on this Earth. They are mysterious, majestic and very much like little furry slinkies. Picking up a cat is like picking up water; felines have a naturally fluid feel to them, as well as a fluid style of movement. Watching a cat walk is mesmerizing – especially when they are stalking prey. It’s like watching a tiger or a lion on a National Geographic documentary. Of course, you can’t compare the ferocity of a wild feline to the charm of a domesticated one. Especially when their paws are small enough so squeeze with two fingers~! They are SO squishy and soft! Sebastian Michaelis wasn’t wrong when he proclaimed cat paws to be the best thing in the human world. It’s not only cat paws that we fall in love with, however. Cats also have one of the best stress-relieving mechanisms in the world – apart from their own existence, that is. Cat purring has been proven to reduce blood pressure and overall stress levels in both themselves and their owners. I have first-hand experience with this, as my own cat often comes on my bed for cuddles – and he purrs nonstop! Sammy, my cat, is ten years old… and yet he still exhibits kitten behavior! The extending and retracting of claws in a stretching motion is something he does when he is content and in his favourite spot – the top of my bed. Alas, he sheds (a lot!). One interesting theory on why I love cats so much could be due to the fact that I resemble cats in many ways. I hate extreme temperatures, hate getting wet, love to sleep a lot, prefer being on my own… Honestly, if I could turn into a cat, I would in a heartbeat!